Deep Connection    Compare

Kezia Noble starts this seminar by talking about flaky numbers and the main reasons why girls will give out their number to a guy and then not answer his calls or respond to his texts. The first two reasons are interesting to hear from the perspective of a woman who admittedly does this all the time, especially the one about getting a number via direct game and the emotional effect that this can have on women. It's not something most guys would probably ever consider so this allows you to get a solid understanding of a woman's reality and where she is coming from.

The third reason that Kezia states women won't respond to you is that you didn't develop a deep connection. So this seminar is more or less presented from the point of view of how to develop a connection when you initially meet a woman so that she will want to see you again.

Contextual Relevancy

One of the problems with this product is that it's aimed at beginners but doesn't provide any proper context for the techniques. Kezia refers throughout the seminar to meeting women in clubs, but what she teaches is only going to have limited use in that environment. Most girls who go out to nightclubs, even those who are wanting to meet guys, aren't desperately hoping to have super deep conversations with people they have only just met.

They want to have fun and experience excitement and good emotions. A lot of the examples that Kezia uses are specifically related to what to ask a girl about her job/career and taking it to a deeper level to connect with her emotionally. The problem with this is that most girls don't want to talk about their job in a high energy environment where they're looking to have fun. And by asking her a lot of these deep, probing questions you're more likely to come across as a buzzkill then an attractive guy she wants to see again.

One of Kezia's assertions is that women are tired of having surface level conversations and are yearning to have a man connect with them on a much deeper level than that. This is true, but with an important caveat. Women aren't looking to develop deep connections with every man that approaches them. They want to connect with men that they are attracted to. So once you've already got a woman interested in you, then that's when you can start applying these techniques more successfully.

But Kezia doesn't do a great job of teaching you when to start going deeper. She correctly points out that you don't want to come across as interrogating the girl and trying to get really deep straight away, but doesn't tell you at what point you should start trying to do so. It's a bit like you're given the information but kind of left to your own devices as how to best apply it.

It would have been great if Kezia had given some advice on how to have a fun and interesting conversation when you first meet a girl, and then what to look for so that you know the girl is ready to start opening up to you more. My concern is that guys who watch these DVD's are going to go to bars and clubs and within the first minute of an interaction start asking the girl these really personal questions, trying to connect on a deep level as Kezia describes. But attempting to do so is going to come across as weird and scare the girl away most of the time as she doesn't know you or feel comfortable enough yet.

Some of the questions she suggests asking are decent, but some are not a good idea. There are a couple of questions that you might expect to hear in a job interview, and would be really out of place in a nightclub. But a lot of these ideas will work better in a quieter, more intimate setting, such as out on a date.

For some really great advice on how to handle the early part of a conversation when you first meet a woman, check out Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy.

Getting Past A Woman's Mask

Kezia continually refers to the concept that people are making their way through life wearing a mask of how they want to present themselves to others. And that they key to developing a deep connection with a woman is to get past her mask and let her know that you see her for who she really is. This is true, and it's an area where many men struggle. This area of her presentation contains some really solid information.

She gives some examples of her and her friends and the different masks they use when they go out, and the reasons they do it. This will be interesting for guys who have no experience with this to hear, and will hopefully encourage you to examine the motivations of women in doing some of the things they do. If you can go deeper and realize why they do what they do, you can cut through a lot of insincerity and connect with her on a genuine level.

Kezia uses the analogy of an iceberg being like conversations we tend to have. Only 10% of the iceberg can be seen above the surface, while 90% of it is hidden below and holding up the part you can see. So what she's showing is how to explore different layers of the 'iceberg' to get to a much deeper level. She refers to doing this as discovering a woman's different beliefs, but what I think she really means is values. Basically the whole idea of what she teaches could be summed up as a form of value elicitation to find out who a woman is and what's important to her.

Conflicting And Missing Information

There are times when what is presented could be somewhat confusing. For instance, Kezia mentions that you don't want to try and go too deep right away. Yet when the students are practicing on women (see more details below) she's constantly telling them they are not going deep enough practically from the beginning.

She also talks about how you can go deep and then break it off and return to the surface level again and then go deeper (known as fractionation). But when one of the students is at a deeper level and attempts to go back to the surface she stops him and tells him not to do that.

She isn't wrong in what she's suggesting, the only problem is that it's too difficult for the students to understand. There are no signposts for them to look out for that let them know what stage they are at and where to go next. A lot of what she is teaching relies on you having good instincts and calibration skills so you know when to do what, but for beginners they just don't have the experience level to know this.

There's other things that are mentioned but not really explained in any detail. The topic of sexual escalation is brought up a few times but not in a way that shows guys how to do it. She mentions that you can use deep connection as a springboard to sexual connection, but stops short of giving you any practical information on how you can do it.

One of the issues here could be that Kezia doesn't have any experience doing this herself so doesn't know how to convey this information to men. Even though she's dated many different men, she would have been playing the passive role in the interaction and the guy is leading things forward. This is where women hand over all responsibility to the man for any escalation that happens, and often say things like 'it just happened'.

This is what women want you to do, but it likely makes it harder for Kezia to describe in any detail specifically what you should do, compared to a male dating coach who has done this hundreds or thousands of times.

Similarly, there's a segment where she talks about the importance of push-pull and how powerful it is. But she doesn't go into any actual explanation of it or give examples of how you can use it. She does ask the students if they know what it is, and presumably no one asks her for any more information on it. That's one of the problems with a recording of a seminar, that you can focus on teaching those who are there live and forget there are going to be people watching the DVD who will need something explained more in depth.

Student Practice Sessions

The majority of the second DVD consists of the seminar students trying out the techniques on women who Kezia has brought along, including her sister. In a way this is a good learning experience, but it's also pretty painful to watch. All of the guys really struggle to understand what it is Kezia wants them to do.

I wasn't clear if the guys were supposed to be talking to them as if they had just met them in a role play type scenario, or just talking to them in general. I'm not sure the guys really understood either. A lot of it was just asking them about their jobs or hobbies and then trying to go to deeper levels from there. One of the issues is it doesn't simulate a realistic interaction. The women are there answering the questions and trying to help out, so would not respond the same way as if this were in a bar or club.

Overall this had the feel of an awkward speed dating event. The guy sits down, shakes the girl's hand, asks her what she does and then proceeds to flounder as he doesn't know what to say next. This is what happened for pretty much all of the guys who were shown taking part.

Kezia does step in and offer them direction and guidance, and it steers them in the right direction. But without her prodding them they really have no idea of what to do. A German student and Kezia clearly become frustrated with each other at one point, as he doesn't know what to say and she can't seem to understand why he is struggling. It's an example of how beginners often need more concrete instructions on exactly what to say and do, and how general guidelines might not be enough.

The Bigger Picture

In the grand scheme of things, the techniques that Kezia teaches here are useful but they are only a small part of getting more success with women. The way that I looked at it was like this: if each of the students shown had smoothly used these techniques, would any of the women been sexually interested in any of them? It's highly doubtful. Even if they perfected these techniques and she didn't know them, there's virtually zero chance Kezia would ever date a single one of these guys.

There's too many basic level things that they are struggling with that need to be worked on first. Poor body language, nervous fidgeting and stuttering, bad sense of style, poor tonality and other issues are all going to be a major hurdle before getting solid success with women. To be fair to these guys, they are performing in front of an audience and that has likely increased their nervousness.

But when you watch the interactions they all lack any kind of chemistry. There is no flirting or sexual tension present at all. And one of the main reasons is the women can clearly tell the guys have no confidence and are uncomfortable. In real life situations women will talk to guys like this more out of pity, but they won't be interested in dating them. Kezia even admits at one point that a deep connection is not enough by itself to make a woman sexually attracted to a man.

Some of the guys had worked with Kezia before, and one of them had better body language and was more relaxed than all the others. But he still had no idea about how to have a conversation with the woman and the interaction was awkward. It's an example how you really need to work on the basics first before you worry about trying to form deep connections with women.

If you can't approach a girl and have an interesting conversation with her for a couple of minutes without stumbling over your words and generally looking uncomfortable, this product is too advanced for you. The students didn't have any of their bigger obstacles pointed out to them, so they may think not getting a deep enough connection is holding them back when really it's a bunch of other things.

The Bottom Line

It's interesting to hear what women are looking for from the perspective of an attractive woman who gets hit on a lot. She can offer insights that other dating coaches can't. But it also seems to be harder for her to teach what works in a simple way for guys to understand. In the classroom practice sessions every single one of the guys struggles to implement what they have just been taught.

If you've got a solid grasp of the basics already and can approach and attract women consistently, but struggle to make a connection with them then you might find this useful. It's not a complete system in itself, and getting good at the techniques here alone won't be enough to make women sexually interested in you.

For a course specifically aimed at developing connections with people, and that provides a bit more structure and is easier to implement, check out The Connection Course.